For the Overwhelmed Care Partner

Being a care partner for a loved one is NOT an easy job; whether they are living in a community, their personal home, or your house, the support and the demands are overwhelming and stressful!

Taking on the role of care partner has meant adding to the roles you were already juggling, like the family manager of your own family and working full-time. The demands of your loved ones feel urgent, and you’ve been neglecting your other obligations, and it’s straining your relationships with your kids and spouse, as sometimes their needs are not being met.

You want to give the best care possible but no matter how much you try it never seems like enough. You are constantly being interrupted at work with the needs of your loved one, you are less available for your kids, and are you trying to manage important health and care tasks, like picking up prescriptions. When you’re sacrificing for your loved one and their response is dismissive or even ungrateful it affects your relationship. It makes you feel frustrated and hopeless.

Next time you feel these emotions, ask yourself these questions to help improve your relationship with your loved one.

Is my loved one safe? Are they physically, emotionally out of danger?

If they answer is Yes, you can disengage yourself from the situation. If the answer is No, figure out how to improve the situation while not impinging on their quality of life.

Is what they are doing or not doing going to hurt themselves or someone else?

Is your loved one still driving, and yet they are dangerous on the road?
If the answer is Yes, do not tackle this by yourself, get a doctor involved or AAA and Shepard’s Spinal Center offer driving evaluations for seniors.

Do I know anyone that has died of dirt?

I have yet to come across a person that has answered Yes to this question, but I am sure they are out there. If the answer is No, then ask yourself is it important they bathe or brush their teeth every day? Is it worth the struggle this causes in our relationship? Yes, personal hygiene is important, but if their quality of life is good, you might reconsider the stress.

Is what I am wanting my loved to do for my benefit or theirs?

Many times, as care partners we want our loved ones to act, to be, to dress a certain way because that is what we were taught. But stop and think for a moment, does that “situation” really matter at this moment? Is it going to change the outcome of the situation? Will it improve their quality of life or is it hard for me to recognize my loved one is changing?

Am I being a parent or a partner?

There is only one letter difference between parent and partner. A parent teaches us, has authority over us, and makes decisions for us.  A partner is someone that walks along side of you, offers supports support and guidance but allows you to maintain independence.

Remember there is no I in care partnering, it is a team sport, so go build one.